If you’ve ever typed “confidence coach” into Google, you’ve probably been hit with a wave of advice that ranges from unrealistic to downright confusing.

 

One person tells you to fake it ‘til you make it. Another promises that five affirmations a day will change your life. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to figure out how to stop overthinking every conversation, set a boundary without spiraling, or finally feel good enough to stop chasing approval.

 

I get it, and I’ve been there too. I used to struggle with confidence and self-esteem, and with so many options available, I wasn’t quite sure where to start first. It took me 7 years, half-a-dozen therapists, and over $100k to find a path that worked for me. 

 

Fortunately, I learned a few things along the way that might be helpful in your search. 

 

Here’s the truth: real confidence isn’t something you’re born with or magically unlock. It’s something you build—and the right confidence coach can help you do just that. 

 

But not all coaches are created equal, and if you’ve been burned by surface-level self-help before, I totally understand your concern. That’s why I wrote this blog post. 

 

Here’s what we’ll cover: 

 

• What Is a Confidence Coach, Really?

• What Can Confidence Coaching Help Me With?

• How Do I Find a Confidence Coach?

• What Results Can I Expect?

• How Can I Start Building Confidence Now?

• My Approach to Confidence Coaching

 

What Is a Confidence Coach, Really?

 

 

At its core, a confidence coach helps you build a stronger, more compassionate relationship with yourself—so you can feel grounded, clear, and capable in your everyday life. That might sound simple, but for anyone who’s struggled with insecurity, self-doubt, or constant people-pleasing, it’s life-changing.

 

Unlike generic self-help advice that says “just be more confident,” a good confidence coach helps you identify the real barriers holding you back—like fear of judgment, a loud inner critic, or deep-rooted beliefs that you’re not good enough. They don’t just tell you to speak up or stand tall; they help you understand why those things feel so hard in the first place.

 

A confidence coach may guide you through things like:

 

• Understanding and working with the parts of you that feel anxious, unworthy, or like you’re never enough

 

• Rewiring your nervous system to feel safe being seen, heard, or vulnerable

 

• Building real self-trust—not just performing confidence for others

 

• Practicing self-compassion so you can shift your inner dialogue without shame or self-punishment

 

Some coaches use tools from somatic psychology, parts work (like Internal Family Systems), or neuroscience. Others pull from lived experience and holistic frameworks that focus on emotional healing. Either way, the goal isn’t to change who you are—it’s to help you show up as more of yourself, with less fear and more self-trust.

 

It’s important to note: the term “confidence coach” isn’t regulated, which means anyone can call themselves one. That’s why understanding what to look for (and what to avoid) matters so much—which we’ll get into next.

 

What Can Confidence Coaching Help Me With?

 

 

If you’ve ever wished you could just stop overthinking, speak up without freezing, or walk into a room without second-guessing yourself, a confidence coach might be exactly what you need.

 

A great confidence coach supports you in shifting how you feel—not just how you perform. This goes way beyond posture tips or surface-level pep talks. They help you identify and heal the deeper fears, patterns, and beliefs that make confidence feel out of reach.

 

Here are just a few of the real-life challenges a confidence coach can help with:

 

• Navigating social anxiety or fear of being judged

 

• Feeling more confident in dating or relationships

 

• Letting go of perfectionism and chronic people-pleasing

 

• Building self-worth after a breakup, betrayal, or childhood wounds

 

• Reclaiming your voice after years of being overlooked or dismissed

 

• Speaking up or setting boundaries. 

 

And, good coaches do this by guiding you through deeper, evidence-based practices like:

 

• Inner healing work to connect with and care for the parts of you that feel small, scared, or ashamed

 

• Nervous system regulation so your body can feel safe being seen and heard. In fact, research shows a clear link between a well-regulated nervous system and confidence! 

 

• Self-compassion practices that help you befriend your inner critic, so it stops running the show. 

 

• Neuroscience-based tools that help you rewire your emotional responses and build self-trust and confidence over time

 

In my self-paced program Becoming the Love of Your Life, we use all of the above—and more—to help you feel confident from the inside out. Not performative, not perfection-based. Real, rooted confidence that holds up even when life gets messy.

 

How Do I Find a Good Coach?

 

Now that you know what a confidence coach can help with, how do you actually find one that’s legit—and a good fit for you?

 

Start with your goals. What do you want help with specifically? Are you looking to build confidence in relationships? At work? With your body? 

 

Getting clear on this will narrow your search and help you identify coaches who specialize in those areas, and give you a good place to start your search. 

 

What to Watch Out For:

 

Not all confidence coaches are created equal, and unfortunately, some will sell you surface-level fixes or unrealistic promises. Here are a few red flags:

 

• Coaches who only offer hype, affirmations, or “just be positive” advice. Toxic positivity is not helpful or conducive to long-term change. 

 

• Programs that promise instant results or sound too good to be true.

 

• A lack of real training, credentials, or lived experience.

 

• Anyone who shames you, pathologizes you, or makes you feel like their program is the only way to heal. There are so many valid ways to heal, and you’re absolutely capable of making the right choice for you. 

 

What to Look For:

 

• A coach who feels safe, warm, and nonjudgmental

 

• Someone who is trauma-informed, and has experience or training in modalities like IFS, nervous system regulation, or emotional healing. 

 

• A communication style and personality that resonates with you

 

Where to Find Them:

 

• Social media platforms like Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok (watch their free content and vibe-check them to see if they’re a good fit)

 

• Google search and blog content (like this post!)

 

• Referrals from friends or communities you trust

 

• Online forums or groups focused on personal development

 

And of course, if my style and perspectives seem like a good fit for you, feel free to explore my program Becoming the Love of Your Life. It’s designed specifically for people who want to feel more confident, secure, and self-loving, without the shame-based fluff. You can start with the free 7-day version if you want to get a feel for my approach.

 

What Results Can I Expect from Confidence Coaching?

 

 

Many people go into coaching (or therapy) thinking it will make them fearless or help them “finally feel perfect.” That’s not how it works—and honestly, it kind of misses the point. 

 

Confidence isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. And when you build it from the inside out, it doesn’t just change how you feel… it changes how you live.

 

Let me give you a quick example from my own life:

 

Before doing this work, I used to doubt myself constantly. In relationships, I’d worry I was too much or not enough. In my business, I felt like an imposter—like one misstep would prove I didn’t belong.

 

I would try so hard to please everyone, and when I felt bad about myself, I’d do anything to escape it: overwork, scroll, drink wine, seek external validation. It gave me temporary relief, but never real confidence.

 

Now? Those feelings still come up sometimes. That part of me that wants to prove herself or win people over still shows up. But when she does, I don’t spiral. I see her. I sit with her. I let her know she’s not alone. And honestly, the feelings pass much quicker—without a meltdown or an identity crisis. I can keep living my life, even when I don’t feel amazing. And that’s confidence.

 

The point isn’t to become perfect. The paradox of healing is that you’ll start to love and accept yourself even when you’re struggling or even when you have doubts. Those feelings are just part of being human. 

 

Real confidence coaching doesn’t turn you into someone who never doubts themselves. It helps you build the tools and emotional resilience to keep going even when doubt shows up. It’s about becoming someone who can show up fully, with self-trust and emotional safety—not someone who pretends everything is fine.

 

With the right support, you can expect to:

 

• Feel safer expressing yourself in relationships, work, and social settings

 

• Build healthier boundaries without guilt or anxiety

 

• Soften your inner critic and start relating to yourself with more compassion

 

• Reconnect with your body and stop constantly bracing for rejection or judgment

 

• Learn how to regulate your nervous system so you can respond instead of react

 

In my own coaching experience and through my online self-love course, I’ve watched clients shift from hiding and hustling for love… to standing confidently in their truth. Not because they forced it, but because they felt safe enough to be seen.

 

How Can I Start Feeling Confident Now?

 

 

Most of us have been taught that confidence is something you either have or you fake—smile more, stand taller, repeat some affirmations, and eventually it’ll stick. But if you’ve tried all that and still feel like a shaky version of yourself underneath the surface… you’re not alone.

 

Real confidence isn’t built through pretending—it’s built through safety, consistency, and emotional rewiring.

 

To build lasting, embodied confidence, you need to work with your mind, your body, and your nervous system. Here’s what that looks like in practice:

 

1. Regulate Your Nervous System

If your body is in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze, confidence will feel out of reach. That’s because your system doesn’t feel safe enough to be seen, speak up, or try something new.

 

Try this: Pause and take 3 slow, deep breaths—inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Drop your shoulders. Notice where you feel tension and gently soften. The more often you calm your nervous system, the more safety you create for confidence to grow.

 

2. Work With Your Internal Parts

We all have different sides of ourselves—inner voices that show up in different situations. Maybe there’s a part of you that wants to hide, a part that always expects rejection, or a part that’s constantly trying to prove itself. These voices aren’t random—they were usually formed to protect you in some way.

 

For example, if you were criticized a lot growing up, you might have a part that constantly tries to be perfect so you won’t get hurt again. Or if you felt like you had to earn love, you might have a part that’s always people-pleasing.

 

These parts aren’t bad. They’re protective. But when they’re running the show, confidence becomes really hard. That’s why building confidence includes learning how to work with these parts instead of ignoring or fighting them.

 

Try this: When you hear a critical thought or feel a wave of self-doubt, pause and ask yourself: What part of me is showing up right now? What might it be afraid of? Then respond with kindness. You might say, “I get why you’re scared—it makes sense. But I’ve got this now.”

 

The more you can meet these parts with understanding, the less control they have, and the more space you create for your confident self to lead. And that’s when real, unshakable confidence begins to take root.

 

3. Practice Self-Compassion

You won’t build confidence by beating yourself up. In fact, self-criticism activates the same stress response as physical danger. Self-compassion helps regulate your emotions and reinforces your sense of worth.

 

Try this: Next time you mess up or feel insecure, respond the way you would to a close friend or small child. Offer understanding and compassion as much as you’re able to in the moment. This rewires your internal dialogue over time, and builds a foundation of trust within yourself.

 

4. Rewire Your Brain

Confidence is a skill that gets stronger with repetition. When you celebrate small wins, visualize success, or reinforce emotional safety, you’re literally creating new neural pathways. As the saying goes, what fires together wires together. 

 

Try this: Each evening, write down one thing you did that made you feel proud or aligned. No matter how small. And then allow yourself to truly FEEL good about it, even for just a few seconds. The act of noticing and reinforcing these moments helps your brain believe, “This is who I am now.”

 

This is the core of what I teach in my self-love coaching program. We don’t just talk about confidence—we create the conditions for it to grow naturally, through gentle repetition, emotional healing, and deep self-trust.

 

Confidence isn’t something you hustle for. It’s something you allow to emerge when your system feels safe enough to stop bracing and start being.

 

My Approach to Confidence Coaching

 

Confidence isn’t just something I teach—it’s something I had to fight to find myself. I spent years tying my worth to what I could achieve, how others responded to me, or how perfectly I performed in my roles—at work, in love, and even in healing. But despite the achievements, it was still never enough.  I was constantly overthinking, chasing validation, and trying to hold it all together.

 

Everything shifted when I stopped trying to “fix” myself and started learning how to work with the parts of me that felt scared, unworthy, or not good enough. I became a therapist, dove into self-compassion coaching, and eventually enrolled in a PhD program to study the science of self-compassion. My coaching style was born from this blend of lived experience, clinical training, and deep belief in your ability to heal from the inside out.

 

What makes my approach different? I don’t believe in performative confidence. I believe in emotional safety, nervous system regulation, and helping you reconnect with the self-trust that’s already inside you. My method is rooted in compassion, trauma-informed care, and practical tools that create lasting change that sticks. 

 

My signature course, Becoming the Love of Your Life, is an immersive, online, self-paced program that helps you build confidence and self-worth using inner child healing, neuroscience, and self-compassion. It’s completely online and trauma-informed, but I’m also available by email if you have questions. It’s designed for people who want deep transformation—but need the flexibility to move at their own pace.

 

 

If you’re ready to start feeling more secure in who you are, this program can help you get there—gently, consistently, and without shame. Click here to get started.