No matter what relationship issues inspired you to search for a relationship coach, I want you to know this: there is hope for change. Whether it’s repeated heartbreak, anxiety about being too much or not enough, chasing emotionally unavailable partners, or trying to fix a relationship that feels like it’s slipping through your fingers— where you’re at now, isn’t where you have to end up.
I’m living proof of that.
I spent years attracting the same painful relationship dynamics over and over again. I’d bend over backwards, silence my needs, act like the “cool girl,” and give all of myself away hoping someone would finally choose me. And when they didn’t? I’d interpret it as confirmation that I wasn’t good enough.
And, then I’d do the whole thing all over again with someone else. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Eventually, I realized something wasn’t working and that something needed to change. I tried everything I could think of to “fix” myself – several types of therapy, self-help books, 12-step groups, yoga, you name it.
While some of it was helpful, a lot of it wasn’t. Finally, after 7 years (and $100k) of therapy, and going back to school to become a trauma therapist myself (lol), I met a therapist who changed everything for me.
He helped me realize that there was never anything wrong with me to begin with, and that the real work wasn’t about becoming more lovable. It wasn’t about silencing my emotions, or trying to reframe my thoughts. And, it definitely wasn’t about willpower or shaming myself into changing.
It was about self-compassion. It was about understanding why I was stuck in the same patterns. And, it was about learning to give myself the love and acceptance I’d always wanted.
That’s when everything changed for me.
Today, I feel peace and self-acceptance in a way that I didn’t know was possible. I put less pressure on myself to be perfect. And, my relationships with everyone (my son, my husband, my family) have become more happy and secure than ever before.
Now I help other women do the same—through my trauma-informed coaching program, Becoming the Love of Your Life, that’s fueled by self-compassion and science.
But if you’re here, you probably have some questions first:
Do I really need a relationship coach? What even is that? And how do I know who to trust?
So, let’s dig into it. Here’s what we’ll cover:
- What Is a Relationship Coach?
- What Can a Relationship Coach Help With?
- Red Flags to Look Out For in a Relationship Coach
- What Should You Get From a Good Relationship Coach?
- My Approach to Coaching
- So… Is a Relationship Coach Right for You?
What Is a Relationship Coach?
A relationship coach is someone who helps individuals or couples improve their relationships, dating patterns, communication, emotional intelligence, and most importantly—their connection to themselves. Some coaches work in person, some offer online programs, and others (like me) focus on creating digital programs for individuals who want to feel more secure, more loved, and less anxious in love.
Unlike therapy, coaching doesn’t diagnose mental health disorders. It’s generally more action-oriented, future-focused, and practical.
A therapist might give you a diagnosis and a treatment plan, or help you unpack childhood trauma over a long arc of time. But, a capable relationship coach can help you recognize how that trauma is showing up in your relationship patterns today, and offer tangible tools to change it.
It’s not that one is better than the other—they serve different (and often, complementary) purposes. I’ve personally had both amazing and not-so-great experiences with therapists and coaches. I’ve also been both a therapist and a coach. So I believe in the power of both, when done well.
The question is: what are you hoping to accomplish? How much guidance do you need? And, how soon do you want to see changes?
If you’re dealing with a diagnosis (or looking for one), or if you’re hoping for someone to lend a listening ear over a longer frame of time, therapy might be a great option.
However, if you’re hoping for more guidance and active collaboration, coaching might be a better fit.
Related Article: Am I Making the Right Decision? How to Make Choices With Clarity and Confidence
What Can a Relationship Coach Help With?
That depends on the coach. Every coach has their areas of expertise, and it’s important to understand their skillset before making a choice. Some focus on surface-level topics like improving communication, setting boundaries, or date night routines. Others go much deeper.
Some relationship coaches help:
- Couples navigate infidelity, rebuild trust, or rekindle connection
- Individuals identify unhealthy patterns and break toxic cycles (me, for example!)
- Clients learn secure attachment styles, work through insecurity, or cultivate inner safety (also me!)
In my work, I specialize in helping people who never quite feel secure in relationships. Maybe you’re afraid to ask for what you need. Maybe you over function in relationships, give too much, struggle with jealousy, or attract emotionally unavailable people. Or maybe you feel like you’re constantly trying to prove your worth.
In my digital coaching program, Becoming the Love of Your Life, we focus on self-compassion, working with the parts of you that are trapped in old feelings, and building secure attachment from the inside out. Because you can only show up fully in a relationship when you stop abandoning yourself.
Red Flags to Look Out For in a Relationship Coach
Unfortunately, not all coaching is created equal. And when it comes to something as vulnerable as your mental health and your closest relationships, it’s important to choose wisely.
Here are a few things to watch for:
They’re not trauma-informed.
Most of us dealing with relationship struggles carry some kind of trauma—whether it’s childhood neglect, betrayal, abandonment, or emotional abuse. A coach who isn’t trauma-informed may unintentionally retraumatize you by oversimplifying or minimizing your experience.
Surface-level advice.
“Just communicate better.” “Just be more confident.” “Just set the boundary”
Don’t get me wrong, things like communication skills and boundary setting can be helpful eventually, but they don’t address the why. Real change happens when we explore the emotions, beliefs, and patterns underneath the surface. That’s the work I guide my clients through.
Lack of real training.
Anyone can call themselves a coach these days, which can be really dangerous when you’re trying to find someone trustworthy to help you. And while certifications aren’t everything, deep training and lived experience matter. I have a Master’s in Clinical Psychology, worked as a trauma therapist (AMFT), and am currently a PhD student researching self-compassion and its impact on relationships and mental health. I take this seriously, because you deserve someone who understands what they’re doing.
The wrong personality fit.
You could find someone with a thousand credentials and all the right information, but if they don’t feel safe, kind, or relatable to you? The work won’t land. Find someone who feels like a wise friend who gets you—someone who can challenge you and hold space for you at the same time. If you don’t like working with them, or if your instincts are telling you no, trust your gut and find someone else.
Toxic positivity.
If someone tries to reframe everything into a positive or says things like “just be grateful” without making room for grief, fear, or anger—that’s a red flag. Healing isn’t about pretending you’re fine. It’s about honoring the parts of you that don’t feel fine and supporting them with compassion.
And perhaps the biggest red flag of all…
It sounds a bit cultish, shaming, or too-good-to-be-true.
Anyone who tells you their method is the “only way” to heal, or tries to coerce you into working with them? Run. Healing is not one-size-fits-all, and I believe you inherently know what’s best for you. You deserve a coach who empowers you to trust yourself, and doesn’t shame you into doing something that doesn’t feel right.
What Should You Get From a Good Relationship Coach?
Every coaching program is different, but good coaches typically have a few things in common. A great relationship coach should help you:
- Feel more secure in yourself. Before you can feel safe with another person, you need to feel safe inside your own skin. That requires more than affirmations or positive thinking. It means building a real, felt sense of inner safety and self-trust.
- Rewire emotional patterns in your brain and body. Relationship anxiety and self-sabotage aren’t just mindset problems—they live in your nervous system. You need someone who understands how emotions live in the body and how to shift them through somatic and mindfulness-based tools.
- Understand and heal the parts of you that are stuck in old patterns. The part of you that panics when someone pulls away… the part that over-functions and tries to earn love… the part that shuts down when things get hard. These parts all make so much sense. A skilled coach can help you befriend those parts and lead from your wisest, most compassionate self, so you’re not stuck anymore.
- Normalize your struggles—without judgment. No matter what relationship struggles you’re going through, you are not broken, bad, or flawed. You’re human. And when you stop shaming yourself and start responding to your pain with care? That’s when change happens.
In fact, my PhD research shows that self-compassion is highly effective in improving emotional well-being and relationship health. Unsurprisingly, this also aligns with what I’ve experienced personally: the more I showed up for myself with kindness, the more peace I created in and out of relationships.
My Approach to Coaching
I believe every single person has the innate ability to heal. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you—and you don’t need someone to “fix” you. What you need is space, support, and the right tools to help you reconnect with the wisest, most loving version of yourself.
We all have a compass inside us that knows what’s right for us. Most of us are just so busy, distracted, or stressed, that we’ve tuned it out. We just have to learn how to listen.
That’s why my programs always start with mindfulness and nervous system regulation. When we can calm our body’s fight-or-flight response, we’re better able to feel and think clearly. From there, we can start to work with the feelings, patterns, and thoughts that are coming up—without judgment or overwhelm.
I also believe that connection is one of the most powerful healing tools we have. Which is why my coaching programs focus on helping you develop a secure relationship with yourself, so you can have secure relationships with others. Research shows that people with strong, secure relationships live longer, are healthier, and experience greater life satisfaction.
But here’s the catch: If we’ve never had great role models or experiences in relationships, it can feel confusing or even impossible to build them. I do this by helping you connect with the parts of you who feel stuck in old emotions—the younger parts who needed a safe, secure person. I help you work with them and give them the love, reassurance, and validation they’ve always needed, so you can get unstuck and move forward. And once your relationship with yourself improves, so will your outer relationships.
And, that’s the heart of my work. I use a blend of mindfulness, self-compassion, inner child healing, and neuroscience-backed techniques to help you quiet the noise, tune in, and build a secure relationship with yourself.
I’ll help you lay the foundation for a healthy relationship—from the inside out. One that lasts, not just in your thoughts, but in your nervous system, emotions, and daily actions. A relationship that feels safe, solid, and true—starting with the one you have with yourself.
But here’s what makes my approach different: I’m not just drawing from textbooks or surface-level strategies. I’m drawing from years of lived experience. I’ve been the overgiver. I’ve been the person chasing love and trying to earn it. I’ve been heartbroken, insecure, and stuck in painful patterns I couldn’t seem to shake. And I’ve also studied the science of what actually helps us heal.
So what I offer is a blend—the depth of someone who’s lived it, and the expertise of someone who’s studied it. I bring both personal insight and scientifically validated methods to the table, giving you tools that are practical and powerful. I don’t rely solely on feel-good advice, my programs are grounded in research, emotional intelligence, and real human connection.
So… Is a Relationship Coach Right for You?
If you’re looking for:
- A safe space to explore your patterns and insecurities without shame
- Tools rooted in neuroscience, self-compassion, and parts work
- Real, lasting change (not just more knowledge that gets you nowhere)
- And a guide who’s walked this path and gets it
Then yes, the right coach could absolutely change your life.
And if you feel drawn to this way of working—curious, emotional, practical, and rooted in compassion—I’d love to invite you to check out my self-paced online coaching program: Becoming the Love of Your Life.
This program is for people who are tired of feeling not good enough in love, who want to heal their relationship patterns without shaming themselves, and who are ready to build secure attachment from the inside out.
Because love isn’t something you have to chase. It’s something you can come home to.
👉 Learn more and join me here.
No matter where you are on your relationship journey, you deserve support that feels safe, human, and empowering. You are not too much. You are not broken. And healing is absolutely possible.
And, you don’t have to do it alone.
