To the woman who has lost herself in someone else, I see you. 

I see your pain. 

I see your  loneliness. 

I see your confusion. 

Because I was you.

I too have been scared and confused. I too have allowed myself to become lost  in someone else’s chaos. I too have exhausted myself from fighting battles that weren’t mine. 

It almost ruined me. 

But, I persisted. 

When things were at their worst, a still, small voice would always whisper, “Keep going. You’re worth it.” 

Listening to that advice saved me. 

It helped me keep going when I felt like I couldn’t possibly get back up again. 

It helped me travel that lonely, confusing road and back again so I could get back to myself. 

It helped me write this blog post. 

Reading this is no coincidence. Maybe you’re here because listening to that still, small voice can help you too. 

On days that are particularly difficult, remember this – 

You are important.

You are a valuable part of this world, and I’m glad you’re here. Your needs and desires are important. Your safety and well-being are important. Your goals and dreams are important. You deserve to be seen, heard, and appreciated just as much as anyone else. 

You are not wrong, bad, or crazy.

This situation is difficult. It probably feels like there’s no right choice. People may not understand. They may question your judgment. They may give you advice that isn’t helpful. You’re doing the best you can, and right now, that’s enough. 

You are not alone.

Your situation might feel isolating and lonely, but you are not alone. You did not stumble across this by accident. Let this be a reminder that your feelings are valid, and that other people can relate to what you’re going through. Maybe we can get through this together. 

Practice self compassion.

In a world that can be harsh and judgmental, be kind to yourself. Even if you make mistakes. Especially if you make mistakes. Show yourself the same compassion you would give a friend. Write yourself a love letter. I promise it helps. 

Take the pressure off yourself.

Allow yourself to rest. You don’t have to solve anything in this moment. You don’t have to make a decision. For right now, just BE. When we allow ourselves to be still, we give ourselves space to breathe and process. Our best ideas and decisions often come after we’ve rested. 

Find 5 minutes to put yourself first.

Things are probably busy, and you might have other people and things to take care of. But, don’t forget yourself. Taking just five minutes every morning to put yourself first sends your brain the message that you’re important too. Journal. Sit silently with a cup of coffee. Listen to your favorite song. Do anything. Just recommit to making yourself a priority.

You deserve healing too.

When we’re lost in someone else’s chaos, it’s easy to forget about our own healing. Maybe the person you’re lost in has more severe challenges than you do. Maybe you feel guilty for focusing on your own healing when someone else has it worse. Give yourself permission to feel guilty about it, and then make the choice to heal anyway. 

There’s a way through this.

You may not see a way through this situation right now, but I promise you, there is one. You are stronger than you realize. You will get through this. You don’t have to know how right now, just know that you will. I did, and you can too. 

When all else fails, surrender.

There are some things we can’t force our way through. Some problems will not be solved with more action. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to let go. Trust. Have faith. Surrender. 

I wish someone had told me way back then what I know now. 

Maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so lonely. Maybe getting back to myself wouldn’t have taken so long. 

But, I’m glad I know now. 

And now, so do you. 

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